Izzy's Journey to A Stronger Family

Izzy’s Journey toa Stronger Family

Izzy, a mother of two girls aged 7 and 9, was struggling to manage their challenging behaviour while navigating her own personal challenges. Following her separation, her daughters began blaming her for the changes in their family dynamic. Feeling overwhelmed and alone, Izzy was referred to Anglican Family Care’s Home-based Support Service in Dunedin.

“I was going through a separation, and my girls were angry, blaming me for everything,” Izzy shared. “Their defiant behaviour was so hardto handle, and I didn’t know how to cope.”

Social Worker, Cassie explains how Izzy was referred toHome-based Family Support Service following her separation. “She talked abouthow she didn’t have family in the country or people she could talk to about herpersonal challenges and was wanting support with how to manage her daughter’s behaviour.”

From the moment she connected with Cassie, Izzy felt a sense of relief. “Just being able to talk to someone who really listened made a huge difference,” she said. “It’s so hard when things aren’t positive, but my support worker was always there to listen and offer thoughtful advice.”

“Izzy asked me about Circle of Security (Cos) as she had heard about it and thought it would be a good fit for her. Throughout CoS, Izzy would tell me how she was putting this into practice with her girls and was always openly reflecting on how she wanted to support her them. Izzy often talked about the needs she could see her girls showing and how she was responding to them once she could recognise them. Izzy shared the ways she had been able to strengthen her relationship with her daughters and how this was making a difference to their family.”

Through the Circle of Security (CoS) parenting programme, Izzy gained valuable insights into her daughters’ behaviour. She learned that behaviour often stems from unmet needs and that understanding these needs is key to addressing challenges.

“I’ve learned to look for the root cause of their behaviour,” Izzy explained. “Now, I try to understand what they’re feeling and what they need before reacting. It’s made such a difference. As parents, we need to set boundaries, but we also need to be loving and supportive.”

Coming from a strict upbringing where physical punishment was common, Izzy found the programme transformative. “CoS opened my eyes to a new way of raising my girls. It’s been a great help to me.”

Izzy now feels more connected to her daughters and better equipped to respond to their needs. “I realise how much they need me, not just as a parent to enforce rules, but as someone who loves and supports them,” she reflected. “Having someone at Anglican Family Care to talk to, who understood and didn’t judge, gave me the strength to open my heart and make changes for the better.”

“It’s a blessing to have people who are so willing to help us for free. They’re credible, compassionate, and I have so many good words for AFC – they helped me a lot. They were there with Restorative Justice, and it was eye-opening. It showed me the difference between love and control and made me realize I was living in an unhealthy relationship. It helped me so much through the process, and I’m just grateful.”

“Izzy has so much love and delight for her daughters and has had since we started working together. Throughout working together, she put in so much work into strengthening her and her daughter’s relationship. Izzy was open at every visit and has so much bravery putting into practice a lot of what we had worked on despite things being challenging.” Cassie reflected.

Thanks to the support of Home-based Family Support, Izzy has rebuilt her relationship with her daughters. Her journey is a testament to the power of understanding, connection, and support in creating a stronger, more resilient family.